MY OPINION ON SPANKING AND CONSTRUCTIVE PARENTING

First I will start off by explaining Chris' and my childhood.


Chris grew up in a broken home. His mom left when he was about 8 years old leaving his dad to provide for him and his brother on his own. Put the stress of your wife vanishing and the weight of being a single parent of 2 boys and you get a pretty strict household. His dad parented him and his brother the best way he knew how at the time, by hitting. Chris told me that he didn't go against his dads rules for FEAR of getting hit.


I grew up in a pretty lenient household. I was the only girl of 4 children and kind of felt like the odd ball out. I was able to get away with a lot. When I was entering highschool, my mom and dad divorced and they lost all control of me. I pretty much had no respect for my parents since they didn't seem to care what I did or where I went.

When I got pregnant with JonErik, Chris and I had many heated discussions on how we planned on raising him. I was completely against spanking and thought it was rediculous to even THINK about using some kind of object to inflict pain on my child. Chris on the other hand was convinced that using hitting as a form of punishment was the only way to create a well behaved child. Then Jon-Erik was born.

In no way am I a perfect mother but I do know how to parent my child. In using constructive parenting, I have been able to esablish this bond with Jon-Erik that is just wonderful. He's not scared of me. When he does something wrong, he apologises because he knows he upset me and has either hurt someone or could have hurt himself. He loves doing things the right way because it makes me happy. He knows the reason why he can't do something and what can happen if he does. Yes, it might take a little more time to correct his behavior, but it's completely worth it.


I don't disagree with spanking. I have actually spanked Jon-Erik on several occasions but for good reasons. If he purposly does something that he KNOWS [not just to see a reaction] is hurting someone, I will spank him. If he does something like play with an outlet KNOWING what can happen after me explaining several times, I will spank. However, I don't in any way agree with spanking as a first priority. I don't see how it teaches a child other than scaring them away. I don't understand why people spank their babies for doing what they are supposed to, exploring. I actually find it quite uncomfortable when I'm around people who spank for the most rediculous reasons. If you have to threaten your child with physical punishment several times a day and they aren't even a toddler yet, something is wrong.

Little children need their parents. They need to feel safe and comfortable. They want to explore everything around them and discover new things. They want to know why we have different reactions to their every move. You wouldn't believe how helpful it is to talk to your baby/toddler and explain things to them. Sure, it might take a few times but when they get it and understand, it not only makes your life easier but theirs too.

At the end of the day, I have a very peaceful household. I don't have to threaten Jon-Erik for him to listen to me and he loves to do things he knows will make me happy. Of course he is the typical 2 year old and he has his fair share of unruley moments. He wouldn't be normal if he didn't.

The little things in life..

It's amazing the amount of things that can run through your mind when your children are asleep. My house is cleaned, laudry is in the dryer, and dishes are done. All the shows I like to watch are on at night and I have nothing better to do.

A new childrens play place opened up in my town this past weekend. It's only a dollar a day if you sign up for the whole month. When you have the choice of paying $8 for 1 hour of play or $30 for the month.. yea. Needless to say, we spent the morning jumping in bounce houses, going down huge slides and playing in ball pits. I then got to thinking like always how amazing and blessed my life truely is. Of course my SO and I could definitely benefit with another income but we choose the simple life for many reasons.

1. No one can raise DS the way I can.
2. Never in a million years [unless we had no other choice] would I let any of our parents/grandparents babysit for the sake of dealing with a spoiled child.
3. I want my son to have a close relationship with me and SO because we both lacked that relationship with our own parents as children.
4. Putting JE in a daycare would of course risk him getting sick and I just don't want to do that to him.
5. JE isn't vaccinated and that leaves me with limited or even no daycares that would even accept him because of that.

Halloween is coming up in a month and we let JE pick out his own costume this year. I've decided not to spill the beans and just post cute pictures after. =] All I have to say is he, of course, looks more than adorable.

Speaking of pictures .. For some reason this computer doesn't respond to the camera cords. I will figure it out one day?

It's been awhile..

So much has been going on in my life. My mind has been running non-stop and I feel bad even thinking about overloading anyone with all these bricks. My life is going as good as can be right now. Actually, it's going better than I expected it to go. If you're ready, read on.

About 2 months ago, I got woken up at 6AM to a call from my mom. My dad apparently had a heart attack and had 50% chance of survival. ::gasps for air:: I can barely type this without wanted to burst out in tears. Within a week, a cousin of mine that I hadn't talked to in years was driving me back to New Jersey. Unfortunately, my father wasn't about to wake from his coma because he was over 90% brain damaged. We all made the decision to follow his wishes and took him off life support. Within a week, he was gone. This kind of stuff doesn't happen to me. This only happens to people I know or know of! People have heart attacks ALL THE TIME! This was my dad's first heart attack. I feel sick when I think about him. There is a piece of me that is now missing and I want it back. I've never felt so helpless. For awhile, I just lost myself. I wasn't being the mother I was supposed to be and was hating myself for it. Finally, I decided enough was enough and I stopped going out at night and pulled myself together. After a month and a half in New Jersey I am finally back with Chris in Alabama.

Chris got a new job working at a steel plant. [I think that's what it is] The pay is good but the hours he is putting in right now are brutal. I've felt more like a single mom lately. Ever since I left to Jersey, I've been on my own with JE. I don't mind at all since we've spent many months apart in the past. I just can't wait for things to come together and his schedule to be normal.

On a happier note, here are a few positive things that have been going on:

Jon-Erik turned 2 on July 2nd and has been fully potty trained for about 6 months now. He rode his bike using the pedals for the first time yesterday! I am so proud of the little boy he is becoming. He is such a smart kid but doesn't show it! I don't even bother telling people when he is capable of saying/doing anymore because he won't do it infront of anyone but me and a select few.

Chris and I are TTC and I'm hoping to have another summer baby. I started taking prenatals today since I heard that helps with the whole process.

Anyways, I'll update later. I'm going to see if I can find the cord to upload pictures to this computer!

Tis the season ..

What a beautiful season it is !! I absolutely love this time of year ! Now that I have my own little family, it just makes everything that much better ! It's a beautiful thing being able to watch your child enjoy and love something that you used to love at their age. Watching him experience new things brings back so many wonderful memories as a child.

Today is my husbands (common law ;) birthday. Yesterday I made 2 cheesecakes from scratch and a birthday cake. I thought I messed the cheesecakes up at first since they blew up so big ! Thankfully they deflated as soon as I turned off the oven . I was able to keep Jon-Erik busy during the hour i had to keep the oven open by letting him finger paint. I think he got more in his hair than on paper !

As far as learning new things, I'm in the process of teaching him "twinkle twinkle little star" in sign language. He does pretty good! I found a video with a much better way of signing on youtube so I'm going to see if I can get him to learn that way instead. He is starting to say "nose" and "teeth." He has also, after months of going on strike, started to say "dada" again. Before Chris left for Alabama, he was saying "daddy." I guess we are starting from scratch with that. Unfortunately he has completely rebelled against going on the potty. I can't really say that I mind too much since he is still so younge and I don't want him to grow up so quick. I also don't mind his cute little fluffy butt. ;] It would be a different story if he wore disposables. hehe

Fingerpainting.

Jon-Erik with his cousins on Thanksgiving.

Naked baby in a stocking!

Our Christmas card picture.

Discovering the yoga love ..

I experienced a hard blow yesterday while stalking facebook pages during little mans nap. I read that one girl weighed in at 118 lbs when he LO isn't even a year old yet. I weigh ATLEAST 132. For everyone who don't know my pre weight.. it's sad. Within 5 minutes of reading that post, I was in my workout clothes and running top speed on the treadmill. I was gasping for air 15 minutes later and decided to call it a day. I found a DVD that someone gave to me and popped it in the player out of curiousity. Minutes later I found myself on the floor completely relaxed and in love with ... yoga. Hopefully I will be able to keep up with a daily routine of running and yoga during little mans nap time. I should tape a before and after picture on my fridge for motivation.

This morning is going to be nice. After I finish this up, I'm going to get myself and Jon-Erik ready to take a walk around town. As with every other 1 year old, he loves picking up leaves and acorns when we walk anywhere. He also enjoys pointing and yelling at every truck and bus that passes our way. I must say, it's very very cute. He has mastered every puzzle we have given to him (about 15 of them) and is about to start puzzles for 3yr and up.

I'm ready to let go..

It's truely amazing how much your life changes after you have a child. I love doing what I do. I love waking up every morning to Jon-Eriks beautiful smile. My life is so busy and chaotic at times I forget that I ever had "friends." I'm so tired of my "friends" telling me how busy they are and how much they are working and are trying to make time to see me. I'm ready to just change my number and delete my facebook. The only reason I have that thing anymore is to keep in touch with my family and stalk other people with babies. I see my mom and how she really has no friends. All she does after work and her meetings is sit at home on the computer. I don't want to end up like her. I know I have a few friends who I'm hoping will always be there. I just don't want to end up alone. It seems like the only time I'm truely happy is when I'm with Jon-Erik and Chris. Everytime I think about my friends I get sad and depressed in a way. I feel like the only way for me to have closure is to just erase all contact with them so that way I won't expect anything from them and will have no reason to be unhappy.

On another note, Jon-Erik is about to have his 2nd Thanksgiving in a week and I'm so excited! This year he will get to enjoy all the yummy food we eat!! I was hoping to have him potty trained by Christmas but that is on hiatus (sp?) until furthur notice. For some reason he refuses to sit on the potty now. He was doing so well for a few weeks. I heard it happens with some children so I can't say I'm suprised.

He is pretty good at using signs now. He's able to say about 10 words in sign right now. It's enough to make my life a lot easier! It's amazing all the whining and crying that gets elimated when they learn to sign! It will be even better when he can finally talk. So far he is able to say hott, done, eye, mommy, and daddy. We are getting there! He just isn't ready. I know I'm doing the best I can at teaching him.

Well, until next time. Here he is at the mall the other day with his best friend, Aiden ! =]

Debbie Downer

Ever have one of those times (more than just 1 day) where you are down. Better yet, depressed. That's how I feel and it's terrible. I've been so depressed and just running on auto pilot. I miss Chris so much it's killing me! To top everything off, Jon-Erik has been sick these past few days and he's been a terror. He is starting to not want to share and acts like a little girl that I babysit and it's so frustrating. I put so much time and effort into trying to make him a good boy and in no way do I expect perfection out of him but he is starting to follow what she does and it's not good. Our stairs have a metal railing at the edge and about 3 inches of stairs stick out. He saw the little girl hold the railing and climb the outer part of the stairs (she got a time out) and now he keeps trying to do it. The huge difference is he is only 1 and she is 3. It really makes me reconsider babysitting her since she is always acting up and he's starting to copy her. Anyway, I am now sick as well and everyone I know or hang out with is busy and not picking up their phones and I have no one to talk to. I don't even really want to talk to anyone about how I feel because I don't want them to think I'm just some depressing person. I'm pretty sure I just think too much into things and I know that everything will be fine in the end. I just can't wait to be back with Chris again. I can't wait to move into our house and be a FAMILY again! I left this town a long time ago thinking I was never coming back and I now remember why I wanted out in the first place. I have 1 friend left here. Everyone else just disappeared after I had a baby. I can't seem to understand how that works? A child is the most beautiful, amazing gift and I would be up my friends butt if they had a baby. How can you just forget about your friend at the most important time in their life?